1. Anecdotally, it is often said that brass players - often overwhelmingly male orchestral sections - drink the most.

Yes. Let's blame it on the gender ratio....

2. Ha.

3. Sad.

Obviously there's something wrong with that second X chromosome.

4. Did I mention that I received one of these as a gift?

5. Maybe if you put on some pants, you could accept God into your lives.

1. Perfect.

2. Win!

(After the fact, but still.)

3. Why isn't there one of these in every city? I'd join in a heartbeat.

4. Best insult ever:

You can slide down my hunchback using your tongue as a brake.

From here. I wonder how many of those phrases/words actually mean what they claim when interpreted by a native speaker.

5. Why can't we, as a species, get past the point where women are seen as possessions to be given away as rewards? I myself don't enjoy being equated with a pat on the back. (Though I'm all for supporting the shoe-thrower.)

1. Way to make horn players look good, guys....

And apparently what makes their acts criminal (or at least one thing that does) is that they're "ritualistic." Apparently rituals are illegal in Louisiana.

B.(1) For purposes of this Subsection, "ritualistic acts" means those acts undertaken as part of a ceremony, rite, initiation, observance, performance, or practice that result in or are intended to result in:

(a) The mutilation, dismemberment, torture, abuse, or sacrifice of animals.

(b) The ingestion of human or animal blood or human or animal waste.

What about Communion?

C.(1) No person shall commit ritualistic mutilation, dismemberment, or torture of a human as part of a ceremony, rite, initiation, observance, performance, or practice.

Circumcision? And I'm sure Baptism could be argued to count here.

(3) No person shall commit ritualistic psychological abuse of children or of physically or mentally disabled adults as part of a ceremony, rite, initiation, observance, performance, or practice.

Sunday school? Vacation Bible School? I could go on for days here....

2. The tsar and his wife Alexandra believed that Rasputin had the power to heal their hemophiliac son Alexei, so they kept Rasputin around the house as sort of a turn of the century Kato Kaelin.

Best metaphor ever.

3. The saga begins.

I was with them until the fourth sentence, which I tend to agree with generally, but it's unnecessary on the sign.

4. Sheep!

5. Yay!

It's always nice to find allies in unlikely places.

The American creed is faith in liberty for all, not the religion of most.

It always struck me as strange when people try to argue that America's a Christian nation simply because most of its citizens are Christian. That would mean that it's also a Euro-Caucasian nation because most of its citizens are white. Clearly there's some faulty logic at play here.

1. The Jewish group isn't alone.

Long story short: Mormons are giving long-dead (Jewish) Holocaust victims baptisms-by-proxy.

In an example of breathtaking hypocrisy, a Mormon Elder said:

We don't think any faith group has the right to ask another to change its doctrines[.]

This was said in defense of this particular Mormon group's practice of proxy Baptism -- anyone stopping them would be asking the Mormons to change their doctrines. Forced, post-mortem conversion, however imaginary...sorry, "by proxy," isn't perhaps a little bit similar to "[asking] another to change [his/her] doctrines"?

2. For some reason this looks really delicious. I think I skipped dinner....

3. Any theories on what exactly this lobster does with its weird-ass claw during "skirmishes with other crustaceans"? It doesn't look like it, or its little teeth, could withstand much force or pressure.

4. Found a review and photos from the Sigur Ros concert in Portland last month.

During one of the quieter, more introspective songs (yeah, I know...which one), they had just two or three of these giant Chinese-type lanterns illuminated -- the ones in the back and to one side. It was an incredibly simple but evocative effect. The perfect amount of pretension. I mean that in an entirely positive way. I fucking love this band.

After the Great Fog Machine Debacle of October 2008, this picture just makes me nervous....

The confetti! I didn't notice the rainbow lights at the time. Suppose I was too busy running to the front of the aisle.

So far no recordings have surfaced of this particular night. Oh well. Next time.

5. I read the paper on secularism and its correlation with societal "health." It's a good, mercifully short read. I know correlation doesn't prove causation, but it soundly disproves the idea that secularism => the decline/collapse of civilization. Some highlights:

In general, higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early adult mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy, and abortion in the prosperous democracies[.]

No democracy is known to have combined strong religiosity and popular denial of evolution with high rates of societal health. Higher rates of non-theism and acceptance of human evolution usually correlate with lower rates of dysfunction, and the least theistic nations are usually the least dysfunctional. None of the strongly secularized, pro-evolution democracies is experiencing high levels of measurable dysfunction.

There is evidence that within the U.S. strong disparities in religious belief versus acceptance of evolution are correlated with similarly varying rates of societal dysfunction, the strongly theistic, anti-evolution south and mid-west having markedly worse homicide, mortality, STD, youth pregnancy, marital and related problems than the northeast where societal conditions, secularization, and acceptance of evolution approach European norms[.]

And be sure to check out Figures 2 (homicide rate), 5 (life expectancy), 8 (teen abortion rate), and 9 (teen pregnancy rate).

1. Need gift ideas for loved ones? The answer is here.

2. "This model is a three speed so you can really tear it up."

3. "I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler."

4. Collaboration between Radiohead and Sigur Ros? Check. Performative uncertainty? Check. Modern dance? Check. My excuse for not being there? Disappointingly absent.

5. I doubt I will ever see a more pissed-off looking horse in all my days.

1. Deep sea awesomeness.

2. Tribute via Excel?

3. The poor frog just wanted a hug, people. Get your minds out of the gutter. Sheesh.

(The duck does look thoroughly scandalized, I admit.)

4. The bulk of these are pretty fucking disgusting. However, I confess that I enjoy the Bruce Willis a la Van Gogh and the Elvis.

5. Oh Ben Stein. Ben Stein, Ben Stein, Ben Stein.... I used to like you. I watched your show.

[N]ew science standards...for the first time use the term "evolution" instead of such terms "as changes over time" for the scientific theory. They also require teaching evolution in more detail.

Scientists and teachers say the new standards will help students improve their education and better prepare for high-tech jobs.

Isn't this the argument I made yesterday? Sell it as a necessary evil if you must. Social currency.

The bill would allow public school teachers to present views that are contradictory to the theory of evolution.

The bill's language does not require teachers to present alternate views[.]

Oh good. So it's just luck of the draw whether you get the Jesus freak bio teacher who spends time teaching Intelligent Design instead of preparing you for college and adult life.

As a compromise, the Board last month approved compromise language calls for teaching the "scientific theory of evolution."


How many times do we have to go over this?

Gravity is, after all, just a theory.

1. Hopefully they've just let the kid pick which high school he wants to attend. I can sympathize with the father somewhat, but if the kid's been raised to think for himself, going to a Catholic high school isn't likely to change his mind (permanently, at least). If the kid can get a better quality education at the Catholic school, by all means send him there. Let him make up his own mind on the religion bit.

2. Edenics!

A summary, for those too impatient to follow the link above:

Edenics has overwhelming new evidence that human language was intelligently designed, at Eden, and purposely diversified, at Babel.

Some gems from the FAQ:

Did grunting ape-men evolve a new bone by random mutation so they could whisper sweet nothings? Only speaking, modern humans have the delicate bone floating in our throats called the hyoid bone. The oldest hyoid bone enabling speech that was ever found was NOT dug up in Africa but in the Carmel Caves near Haifa, Israel. If someone wants to speculate about the oldest human language NOT being Semitic, they had better come up with an older hyoid bone from somewhere else.

Because, of course, spoken language is the only valid human form of language. Other modalities, like, say, visual-manual, don't count. Of course.

Most of our data come from dictionaries where the words are spelled in English letters.

Which works perfectly, because orthography always accurately portrays phonology. Always.

Two years later we adopted an eight-year girl from Hong Kong. Her only English word was “McDonald’s”. I began to see how many of her “mistakes” in English were hard-wired. At the table she’d say “pass the life” instead of “pass the knife.” I tied this in with the Mandarin vs. Cantonese dialect switch, with one saying “Nay ho ma?” (how are you?) and the other saying “Lay ho ma?” (how are you?). I learned that the N-L letter shift, unknown in the West, was deep in the brain. And so must be the letter shift shifts that turn Edenic HahR (hill, mountain ) into English HILL or Russian ghora.

Or maybe, just maybe, this 8-year-old girl's phonemic inventory (including the interchangeability of /l/ & /n/) was influenced and solidified by the language she heard during early childhood? Like everyone else?

From the Edenics primer:

Why do peoples with divergent grammars, the Maya, the Chinese, the Persians and the Greco-Romans, have variations of the Bible's Tower of Babel account or The Flood?

Because they're archetypal stories rooted in basic human psychology and common human experience?

more intelligent opponents correctly cite that many coincidences result from there being so few different sounds in the human mouth. True, one may say there only seven basic letters, since all vowels, lip letters (plosives b,f, p, v, w), gutturals (hard c, g, h, j, k, q, x), tooth letters (dentals d, t), liquids (l,r), nasals (m,n) The trouble with this mathematical objection to my findings (say, linking SKUNK to TSaKHaN, stinker) is that there are a billion billion things/meanings in the universe and I am not linking SKUNK to a word that means giraffe, cupboard, them or heavy.

But has anyone tested to see if it's just as easy to link modern English "skunk" with proto-Semitic "giraffe", "cupboard", etc.?

From yet another Edenics page:

I mostly listen to phonemes, the sound of two root letters combined. Anything longer than two letters is a combination of meaning elements, just as anything including H2O has been added to water.

Either this guy thinks he's simplifying linguistic terminology for the benefit of the layperson (in which case, he's simplifying incorrectly), or he just plain doesn't understand phonemes and morphemes. Did he really just take a linguistics course or two in grad school? How does that qualify him to be an expert in historical/comparative linguistics? Or phonology?

Bet, like Pey, is a graphic of the human lips, or what linguists call a bilabial plosive. What is the only difference between the similar looking Bet and Pay? The Pay indicates muscular stress on the upper lip -- precisely that which differentiates a P sound from a B.

Well, kind of. That and voicing, which I'd imagine is the more salient difference to most linguists as well as laypersons.

The difference between D and T is the solid engagement of the top, indicated by the Daled's T-like axis, and the slight gap and quicker, lighter engagement of the teeth ridge by the (ironically) D-like Tet.

Again, with the ignoring of the voicing.

Okay. Tired of that now. Moving on.

3. I'm way behind on this, and I have no idea what the status currently is on this, but....

Affirming the rich spiritual and religious history of our Nation's founding and subsequent history and expressing support for designation of the first week in May as `American Religious History Week' for the appreciation of and education on America's history of religious faith.

Okay. I guess that's fine. Appreciating the historical impact of religion in America seems reasonable. As long as we look at the good with the bad....

Whereas religious faith was not only important in official American life during the periods of discovery, exploration, colonization, and growth but has also been acknowledged and incorporated into all 3 branches of American Federal government from their very beginning

Now wait a minute....

Whereas in 1853 the United States Senate declared that the Founding Fathers `had no fear or jealousy of religion itself, nor did they wish to see us an irreligious people ... they did not intend to spread over all the public authorities and the whole public action of the nation the dead and revolting spectacle of atheistical apathy'

Dead and revolting? Heh.

Resolved, That the United States House of Representatives----

(2) recognizes that the religious foundations of faith on which America was built are critical underpinnings of our Nation's most valuable institutions and form the inseparable foundation for America's representative processes, legal systems, and societal structures

Because good moral governmental practice is only possible via religion. Because morality is only possible via religion. Exactly.

(3) rejects, in the strongest possible terms, any effort to remove, obscure, or purposely omit such history from our Nation's public buildings and educational resources

Educational resources, sure. Public buildings, no. Church-state separation trumps nostalgia when it comes to physical symbols of government, I think. Moderation and common sense prevail, though. Don't go knocking down an entire building because it has a Latin quotation referencing God somewhere. But do remove that Ten Commandments monument from the courthouse front lawn, please.

Much better and more credible responses to the Resolution can be found here, here, and here.

4. Today's headline in News of the Pointless:

Vinyl Gets Its Groove Back

At least I'm somewhat ahead of the curve?

5. Anthropology to the rescue!

...anthropological research supports the conclusion that a vast array of family types, including families built upon same-sex partnerships, can contribute to stable and humane societies.

Take that.

1. THE Lakota Indians, who gave the world legendary warriors Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, have withdrawn from treaties with the US.

I'm not sure what to think of this. I mean, good for them. But I think the chances of this succeeding are slim to none.

2. Apparently Cahokia wasn't the only ancient site to have built a Woodhenge.

Also, I guess the aliens-built-Stonehenge theory is now moot. Who knew. Actual humans were responsible for it the whole time.

3. Most Sexually Healthy City: Tacoma, Washington

Weird. What precisely were their criteria, I wonder?

4. An entire Japanese island that's been abandoned and left to disintegrate. What makes ruins so compelling to me? (There's also some hardcore long-exposure night-time photography going on there that's pretty awesome.)

5. I've linked to this before, but it's so good I have to plug it again. Warnings include some NSFW language and (*gasp*) humorous criticism of the war in Iraq.

1. True enough.

2. I've been on a Monkees kick recently (due to receiving this in the mail a couple weeks ago). I found a recent-ish Peter Tork interview with some amusing content.

On conventions:

It gives the fans a chance to meet the celebrities. Connect with the guy that used to be a bunch of coloured dots on your TV screen.

On the prospects of yet another reunion tour:

The Cream has reunited. Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones are touring again. They are getting anything from 100 dollars to 500 dollars a ticket. I think the Monkees would be good value for at least ten to eleven dollars a ticket

On Stephen Stills being rejected at the Monkees auditions:

Oh yes, he was hard done by. He had to settle with Buffalo Springfield and Crosby, Stills & Nash. Stephen, if you are reading this interview then I am sorry

3. Holy crap!

Looks like most of the pets I've ever had.

Apparently if you overfeed a goldfish it messes up its swim bladder, forcing it to float on its side at the surface of the water in a disturbingly accurate impression of being dead (I learned this on QI). How many goldfish have lost their lives due to ignorance of this fact?

4. Oh dear lord. This is the last thing we need.

5. Not only can't the Phelps afford to pay the $10.9 million, but apparently they're all in debt. I guess that's what happens when you use credit cards to pay for frequent nation-wide travel. I mean, come on. Credit card debt? I know it happens, but it's not exactly rocket science to prevent it from happening. Though I suppose God told them it was okay to use money they don't have to do His work.

1. Yay!

2. The mouse-over makes it worth it.

3. Possible alternative employment opportunity?

4. Remember O'Reilly's expose on Brown's SexPowerGod party? Someone finally realized that it, as well as many of his other segments, was just an excuse to talk about girls making out with each other.

5. I have no idea how school vouchers work in reality, but I actually don't agree with the church-state separationists on this one. If the vouchers work for religious schools as well as prep schools and whatever other private/alternative education options are around, I don't see the problem.

Career Matchmaker

Your Career Suggestions

1. Computer Trainer
[Eww...]

2. Corporate Trainer
[Eww...]


3. Foreign Language Instructor
[Not bad.]

4. ESL Teacher
[Not bad.]

5. Music Teacher / Instructor
[Not sure how good I'd be, but it'd be fun...]

6. Speech-Language Pathologist
[Hey!]

7. Professor
[Sweet.]

8. Special Effects Technician
[Huh?]

9. Actor
[No way.]

10. Desktop Publisher
[Are you kidding me? I have a visual-spatial IQ of 0.]

11. Set Designer
[Sounds like fun, but see the above.]

12. Animator
[Can't draw. Next.]

13. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
[Like I said...]

14. Costume Designer
[See #11.]

15. Musician
[Is karaoke a profession?]

16. Artist
[What kind are we talking about here...?]

17. Comedian
[If it's just writing, I'd like that. No performing, though, please.]

18. Casting Director
[Sweet. Don't think I have the necessary social skills, though.]

19. Critic
[I love that show!]

20. Print Journalist
[Meh.]

21. Sport Psychology Consultant
[Uh, no.]

22. Translator
[Sweet.]

23. Market Research Analyst
[Eww...]

24. Writer
[Sweet.]

25. Composer
[No way.]

26. Medical Illustrator
[No fucking way.]

27. Director of Photography
[Sweet. Though I have absolutely none of the requisite skills.]

28. Industrial Designer
[No way.]

29. Psychologist
[Sweet.]

30. Potter
[Harry?]

31. Communications Specialist
[Meh.]

32. Public Relations Specialist
[Bleh.]

33. Activist
[Heh.]

34. Political Aide
[Eww...]

35. Public Policy Analyst
[Maybe eventually...]

36. Occupational Therapist
[Heh.]

37. Exhibit Designer
[Sweet.]

38. Humanitarian Aid Worker
[Meh.]

39. Foreign Service Officer
[Eww...]

40. Technical Writer
[Eww...]

------------------------------

Well, straight out of college I landed a job that basically combines my #'s 4, 6, 29, and 36. Not bad.

50 Questions

Many of which I won't answer, because I find them boring.


1. Where were you 3 hours ago?

On my couch, in my apartment, helping my student waste time on YouTube.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

I can't recall a specific incident, but I seem to remember what they taste like.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Monty Python DVDs, a book about Native American pictographs, a marker, an oil pastel, a soft pastel, and some LP covers.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

Last Friday. And I'll do so again this Thursday.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

No. In the last 5 months? Not that I recall.

15. Where were you last week at this time?

Precisely where I am now.

19. What is your favorite animal?

Malayan tapir.

20. Your dream vacation?

Iceland, again.

Or Austin, TX on July 14th.

21. Last person's house you were in

My employer's.

22. Worst injury you've ever had?

I got a really bad scab when I was about 11....

25. Last play you saw?

Oh shit. Pirates of Penzance. I need to remedy that right quick.

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

My complete and utter inability to flirt or properly express my interest?

29. Next trip you are going to take?

Northern Idaho for a seminar/class/conference.

30. Ever go to camp?

Several times.

37. Do you have a tan?

My skin would like to translate this question into its own language:

"Do you have an excruciatingly painful, blistering, peeling sunburn right now?"

No.

And yes, that's the only version of a tan I'm capable of getting.

38. What are you listening to right now?

Nothing, surprisingly.

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

First and only time, so far, when I was 16. I suspect I was pulled over for Driving While Young.

43. What does your last text message say?

Not sure of the content, but it was probably something from someone on the Gomez messageboard.

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

Falling asleep.

Time to Spare

1. What kind of person invents and then patents this?

I'm not saying he/she is a bad person, necessarily. Just not an ordinary one.

2. I just watched a documentary about David Bowie's teeth. The specter of show withdrawal rears its ugly head as I look for entertainment in the strangest of places....

Cognitive Dissonance

These people know what they're doing.

Stonehenge

"May God have mercy on our souls for what we are going to set loose upon the world," proclaimed Queen guitarist Brian May, dressed in druidic robes and bathed in the rising blue smoke of a nearby fog machine. "Will it save rock or destroy mankind? We have no way of knowing—yet we have no other choice."

Movie Time

Watched a documentary about the musicians from the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack. I highly recommend it if you have any interest in bluegrass.

Graphic Design

This is where I'll be Tuesday night:



I didn't make the poster. Look here for that info.

And...

Not that I actually got to see this show (I should be so lucky), but I love this poster:



Info here.

Detox

I'm going through concert withdrawal. Yet I have another one in exactly one week. Trying not to look forward to it so hard that it's an anticlimax. Wish me luck.

Pope-pourri

1. A scary thing.

2. A happy thing. Number 8. I'm still amazed at some of the people they ranked above.

3. A silly thing. ~1:30. "Umbrella time?"

4. A Latin thing. ~1:20.

5. "I doubt their tool bags are that advanced."

6. Why does this game always end with someone's head in someone else's lap? ("Can't you forget you're a carpet inspector for one day?!")

Lesson in Irony

My job currently requires me to listen to an ABBA greatest hits compilation. Always a fan of multitasking, I decided to do so in the car during an hour-long drive. Here's a record of my reactions during the time elapsed:

0:01 -- Grimace. Shake head in exasperation. Mutter mild epithets under breath.

0:05 -- Laugh hysterically. Shake head in exasperation. Mutter moderate epithets under breath.

0:12 -- Check stereo to be sure tracks have actually advanced and haven't been listening to one remarkably repetitive, continuous song for twelve minutes.

0:27 -- Catch self humming. Very, very quietly. Immediately grimace and resume exasperated head shaking.

0:35 -- Experience mild disappointment when CD skips during 'Fernando.'

0:36 -- Now driving on smoother road, try to replay 'Fernando.' Similar results. Mild disappointment remains.

0:40 -- Catch self humming. Less quietly. Deliberately resume exasperated head-shaking.

0:58 -- Catch self singing along to 'Dancing Queen,' complete with microphone mime and animated gesturing, with no trace of irony whatsoever. Appear to have lost all shame.

1:00 -- Decide to run follow-up experiments in near future to investigate possible personality-altering effects of long-term exposure to ABBA songs. Will consider generalizing experiment to entire disco genre.