Surreality 'R Us

Overheard from a student last week:

"She just said 'blue taco'!"

We Need to Know These Things

Overheard from the lower elementary teacher last week:

"If you get stabbed by a pencil, I want to know about that."

I think this means I should be thankful that I work with the older kids.

Bad Idea

This really pisses me off. At first I thought it was a disaster waiting to happen, but TheSean points out that if kids have relatively free access to the internet, they can get answers there. I suppose that helps. But I'm not sure I'd trust the internet with sex-ed. I mean, I was completely fooled by www.manbeef.com. I'm sure some idiot could put up a webpage with equally fictitious sex advice. Let's hope these kids who are being taught to fear condoms are smart enough to wade through the bullshit.

Breaking News

Perfect.

Groceries

I just got a huge box of fruit delivered to my front door. This is the greatest thing ever.

Let's hope TheSean keeps wanting his weekly (non-vegetarian) Indian food or I'll be courting protein-deficiency in the near future.

One problem. I received a fruit I do not recognize. I shall commence dissection and reconnaissance this evening. And other -ss- words as well.

My Pet Dragon

Among the plethora of animals at school, there is a Bearded Dragon. I was surprised at how friendly it was, considering its size (it looked young). I've had experience with biting iguanas, but this guy (a lizard named Steve, of all things) seemed to enjoy being manhandled by about a dozen kids. Maybe TheSean wants a lizard instead of a kitty?

Also, they have goats right next to the playground. Right across the fence. Seriously. I poked them through the chain-link during recess today.

My New Job

1. The Short Version:

Sleeping bag.

2. The long version:

I'm tutoring an 11-year-old girl with special needs enrolled in a Montessori classroom. Specifically, I'm helping her with communication skills, sign language, speech & articulation, and whatever else they do at those crazy Montessori places. I'm sure I'm breaking every rule in the SLP handbook, but her parents approve!

3. If you want an explanation of The Short Version, you'll have to ask me in person.