1. Nietzsche Family Circus. Read it.

2. Science always goes down better with some cat.

3. Somehow I'm not surprised.

4. Beck, who has a regular audience of some 2.5 million viewers on his nightly show, has even "re-floated militia conspiracy theories of the 1990s alleging a secret network of government-run concentration camps," said the SPLC.

Oh. Great.

5. Brilliant.

1. Why do I find animals scratching themselves so amusing?

2. Interesting.

3. Ding dong the witch is dead. An era has truly come to an end.

4. So I talk about wanting to get armor for my horse, but this is even more ridiculous.

5. Yay Missouri!

1. Yay.

Well, not yay that they're all dying....

2. Ha. Classic.

Though I'd probably look similar if I were standing next to that much talent.

Also, John Mayer ain't lookin too good.

3. Glass-bottom fish!

4. It's like they just discovered the existence of gaited horses. Oy.

5. Nice.

1. So this incident is pretty old news, and nothing unique, but I did notice this part:

The Police Department has an autism response team, but it was not dispatched.

Really? That's kind of cool, I guess. I'm a little worried about what kind of special training this team receives. Can't they just do some disability awareness for all of the police?

2. Awesome. When are they gonna teach it ASL? (Or BSL, given that it's in the UK.)

3. Contemporary archaeology is a response to the problem of preserving and recording our disposable, rapidly changing culture.

Interesting. Hadn't thought of it from that angle -- the need for archaeology as a response to rapid change (instead of a response to lack of recorded history, etc.)

4. For some reason, my first thought upon seeing this was, "It's snack sized!"

Also, this design just looks man-made to me. Strange that it occurred naturally.

5. The mustang was white all over, with dark spots on his rear, betraying some Appaloosa in his ancestry, but with hooves like dinner plates, suggesting the additional introduction of something more along the lines of a draft horse. He'd been named Dot by the inmates at the Honor Farm near Riverton, where he'd been trained as a wild-born five-year-old. As a result the mustang had both native sense and correctional-facility manners, and you can do a lot worse than that in a horse.

Ha. True.

1. parents with higher incomes and more education gestured more broadly to their children

The hell? Does being poor make your arms weak? Do they teach nonverbal communication in college and I'm just not aware of it?

Interesting observation, but I'm wondering about the why.

2. I could totally do this.

3. Pretty.

4. Brain scans revealed that when men are shown pictures of scantily clad women, the region of the brain associated with tool use lights up.

Perfect. Women take their clothes off and suddenly men possess no theory of mind.

5. Spewing hatred and accusing Obama of being the antichrist is all okay if you end it with a cheery salutation!

Thanks for asking!

Shirley Phelps-Roper

1. Hey jackass, it's free, so eat the fucking waffles.

2. So this guy apparently got bitch-slapped by Helen Keller:

"I had heard that Helen could speak and I wanted to feel her speak, so I reached out to put my hands on her face, hoping that she would speak to me that way," Smithdas recalls. "But to my surprise she slapped my hand away. I wasn't amused. I thought it was a crude gesture."

And then this....

Journalist Barbara Walters, who spoke at Smithdas' retirement luncheon Friday, said Smithdas was remarkable.

"Truly, the most memorable person I had ever met was Robert Smithdas," she said. "I remember going to Bob's house, and he cooked me a meal. I was amazed he was able to do this and didn't burn his hands."

Okay people. If you're gonna call someone remarkable, do it because of their personality or talents, etc., not simply due to skills they learn to cope with life. People with disabilities don't want to be admired for their adaptations -- they want to be admired for themselves. Focusing on how 'remarkable' someone is for overcoming their disability is basically equating their entire identity with their disability. Get over it and try to find out who the person really is....

3. Sad. (More bus-ad shenanigans.)

In fact, speaking as one myself, I think it shows quite a cheek for Christians to make a fuss about this. We’ve spent decades covering public places with verses from the Bible, and posters promising that if you let Jesus into your life everything will be all right for ever.

Then as soon as the opposition get the money together to do the same thing we’re outraged, and think that God is as cross as we are.

4. Apparently, the Italian atheists violated The Code of Advertising Practice (roughly translated below).

Article 10 — moral, civil, religious and human dignity

Advertising must not offend the moral, civic and religious citizens. It must respect human dignity in all its forms and expressions.

Convenient how non-believers aren't included in this....

And again. Questioning or critiquing beliefs is not the same as offending the people who hold those beliefs.

5. Fuck yeah.

(Anyone who gets PBS have a DVR I could commandeer?)

1. A New York hunter may be feeling a bit sheepish after mistaking a feral llama in Paradise Valley for a Rocky Mountain elk, but he apparently did not violate any laws.

I'd like you to focus on the words 'feral' and 'llama'. They're next to each other. This amuses me greatly.

2. A flow chart of sorts, showing which languages are considered most difficult by other language speakers. Based mostly on the equivalent of the phrase "it's all Greek to me" in various languages. I wonder where Icelandic would fall on there....

3. There's plenty of ridiculous fundamentalist bullshit here, but the funniest part is that they assume that only homosexuals get up to these kinds of shenanigans.

Though I agree it's kind of sketchy to book this kind of event at a venue that isn't fully informed of the planned activities. While I'm fine with consenting adults -- of any sexual orientation -- participating, somehow I don't think it'd be cool for some poor kid staying at the hotel to stumble across some of the spillover....

4. I find this paper and its subject pretty boring, honestly, but the title is pretty awesome.

5. Ha. I'm so looking forward to re-entering academia.

1. It got kinda cold while I was in KC for the holiday.

Now try and complain about the 'cold', Pacific Northwestern-ers. You don't know the meaning of cold.

2. And now a trip down memory lane. Also known as 'Sarah Humiliates Herself for Fun and Profit.' But without the 'profit' part.

I appear to be milking a plane in this one.

And then there's the phase where I decided I really wanted to find out how much sunburn my scalp could tolerate.

Good times.

3. Scary as hell, of course.

Makes me a little more worried about Obama using him as a strategy to appease the fundagelicals. Surely he could've found someone a little less odious?

4. It's time for Fun With Ted Haggard!

Haggard said a co-worker of his father molested him when he was 7, an experience that "started to produce fruit" later. Clarifying that Friday, Haggard said: "I'm certainly not saying that because of that, I did this. I did what I did by my choice, and I'm responsible for it."

Yeah right. You don't mention an experience like that in this context without meaning to imply a causal relationship.

Asked to expand on his attitude toward homosexuality, Haggard said, "I believe all human beings fall short of the standards they believe in."

Oy. Still not good enough, my friend.

Since my experience, I know more about the power of love and forgiveness. I know a lot more about the necessity of people not judging one another.

Yeah. Just like saying that homosexuality = 'falling short of one's standards' is non-judgmental....

I have learned enough to know a lot can happen to anybody. And when Jesus is our Lord, we can't plan our path.

So he's saying that bad shit happens to good people because of Jesus??

[T]he church chose not to forgive me

Well duh. That's what you taught them to do.

Haggard has said his childhood experiences, including same-sex "sex play" with friends when he was in the seventh grade, started to manifest themselves when he turned 50

Yeah right. He didn't 'turn gay' until some repressed memories bubbled up when he was 50? Uh huh.

Don't get me wrong. It looks like the guy's attitude has improved from his previous stance. But he still has a loooong way to go.

5. I really really wanna go here. What a perfect excuse to finally go to San Francisco.

Especially if I could take this. Holy crap that'd be awesome.

1. Chomsky...says, “language evolved, and is designed, primarily as an instrument of thought” [italics mine; p. 22]. Communication, for Chomsky, is secondary.... [source]

Whoa. For some reason I thought Chomsky wouldn't want to touch Sapir-Whorf with a ten foot pole. Granted, Sapir-Whorf didn't propose a theory of language evolution (that I know of), but that's still a whole lot of language-influencing-thought there.

The speech that emerged was not a pidgin or protolanguage, but true language.

Huh? So humans went from 0 to 60 in one generation? I can't quite wrap my mind around that.

Chomsky’s point is that without true language you cannot think deeply enough to gain a survival advantage....

I hope he's not proposing that without language you can't have intelligent thought. I've discussed this before, but Temple Grandin makes a pretty convincing argument for visual thinking and its effectiveness in higher-order cognition (I know I linked to her article on visual thinking in a much-earlier posting here, but I'm too lazy at the moment to dig it up). Granted, there may be/may have been some selective advantage to linguistic thought over visual thought.

Pure thought, which Chomsky says came before any “secondary” linking to a “sensory modality,” is not contaminated by the sound or words, the image of objects, or some other kind of perceptual sensation.

Is this based on any science? Or is it just armchair philosophy? It's interesting either way, but I hope he's not claiming that the idea has more validity than it does.

First, Chomsky's basic position is just a restatement of the old "what good is half an eye?" argument.

Oh no! Chomsky's a closet creationist?!1!

(I have no idea if he is, actually, and I'm not sure I care.)

2. From The Stranger's yearly list of apologies/regrets:

Moreover, Mr. Schmader regrets the inability of countless self-victimizing religious conservatives to understand that being deprived of the ability to oppress another is not the same as being oppressed.

Awesome.

On June 4, Brendan Kiley posted this ad on The Stranger's classifieds page: "Wanted: Intern for The Stranger's Theater Section—the old one has lost consciousness. Must be reliable (seriously, no flakes), available on Monday and/or Tuesday afternoons, and believe mindless data entry is a means to getting head." That should have read: "a means to getting ahead." We regret the error, which confirmed everyone's suspicions about us.

Ha.

There might've been more quotes I wanted, but I'm too lazy to find the rest. I'm noticing a theme tonight....

3. Ha. Someone thought Prop 8 The Musical was a blatant example of Christian-bashing. See quote above.


From here:

INSTANCE #5: Chaplains Fired for Praying in Jesus' Name

Chaplains for the State of Virginia are being denied their right to pray in Jesus' name. Six chaplains were fired for continuing to pray in Jesus' name. Earlier this year in Virginia, Rev. Hashmel Turner, a city councilman in Fredericksburg, was told by the 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that his prayers during city council meetings that ended in Jesus' name will continue to be banned.

Uh. They're not being denied their right to pray, etc. They're being denied the (unconstitutional) privilege of praying in a government building at a government function.

And finally, the #1 Christian Bashing Instance in America for 2008...

INSTANCE #1: Radical Homosexuals Assault Prop 8 Marriage Supporters in California

During and after the November campaign stories flooded in of pro-Prop 8 signs being taken, people verbally and physically assaulted, church property and private automobiles vandalized, and person's jobs and pastor's lives threatened simply for exercising their right to campaign and vote in support of traditional marriage.

I agree that vandalism and threatening lives is uncalled for. But come on -- the Christians can't deny that they started it by gay-bashing in the first place. And they weren't threatened for 'exercising their right...to support...traditional marriage." They were threatened for taking away someone else's civil rights. It's almost like the KKK complaining about getting flak for exercising their right to support 'traditional' ethno-cultural values.

4. The things I do for my father's dog.... And does she show one ounce of gratitude?

5. It's hard to believe that this cat used to look like this. Poor guy. Brain parasites that kill your sense of balance and fuck up your metabolism are a bitch.

1. Neanderthal genetic analysis?

Another, a variety of FOXP2, is related to speaking and the capacity to create a language and therefore suggests they could communicate orally.

Dammit. Not again.

Even Wikipedia knows that the presence of FOXP2 does not equal language ability:

Different studies of FOXP2 in songbirds suggest that FOXP2 may regulate genes involved in neuroplasticity: During song learning FOXP2 is upregulated in brain regions critical for song learning in young zebra finches.

FOXP2 has also been implicated in the development of bat echolocation.

2. This has got to be a joke.

If interpreted as such, it's pretty damn funny:

As Governor Palin and the Wasilla Assemblies of God Church will tell you, the End Times will soon be upon us. As noted in the video linked below, Governor Palin recognizes that Alaska will be a refuge for Christians in the End Times. This is why she tells us (and the Masters Commission graduates she's addressing) that the $30 billion natural gas pipeline she's promoting is God's Will.

See? This can't possibly be real:

After that, I can't muster up the legitimate fear to be seriously scared by the 'Theocracy Now' bumper stickers.

1. Perfect.

2. Win!

(After the fact, but still.)

3. Why isn't there one of these in every city? I'd join in a heartbeat.

4. Best insult ever:

You can slide down my hunchback using your tongue as a brake.

From here. I wonder how many of those phrases/words actually mean what they claim when interpreted by a native speaker.

5. Why can't we, as a species, get past the point where women are seen as possessions to be given away as rewards? I myself don't enjoy being equated with a pat on the back. (Though I'm all for supporting the shoe-thrower.)

1. Quoth Answers in Genesis:

Chimpanzees do have intelligence. They do have general learning abilities, limited though they are (by comparison to those of human infants). They can ‘learn’ words, but the don’t ‘acquire’ language naturally.

And...

The various experiments which have produced language learning in chimpanzees have been achieved by methods that are not those used by all normal babies around the world, who spontaneously and sequentially acquire speech/language.

Are they just ignoring Kanzi? Sure he didn't acquire full human language, but what abilities he possesses he definitely acquired. He was not taught. He merely observed and applied what he observed.

2. The subject, in its spiritual, religious, and even eschatological dimensions, needs to be treated and debated among us, not simply as an unfortunate social deviation or ephemeral social fad, but as a cutting-edge component of a rising, all-encompassing religious world view that is diametrically opposed to the world view of Christian theism.

What is the subject at hand, you may ask? Materialism? Communism? Liberalism? Atheism?

No. Homosexuality.

An "all-encompassing religious world view that is diametrically opposed to the world view of Christian theism"?? What about gay Christians? They're more diametrically opposed to Christian theism than straight atheists?

Thus, while sexual liberation in its popular, successful, government-financed versions strategically associates itself with "civil rights," pro-choice civic values, and politically-correct tolerance, often studiously avoiding any obvious religious dimension, its ultimate legitimization-since all human beings are religious-proceeds from the age-old dogmas of paganism, which, unlike their modern equivalent, never tried to hid behind a thin veil of temple-state separation.

They just throw that in there so casually, that all humans are -- of course -- religious. Heh.

In a time of moral confusion and politically correct intimidating "tolerance" [....]

Ha. Tolerance is intimidating. Okay then.

In 1923 Feder Mühle, a businessman who became involved in Spiritualism, founded the Gottesbund Tanatra in Görlitz, Silesia-home of Jacob Böhme. Members wore the God's Eye badge and believed that homosexuals "were vocationally mediums."66 They also, with a certain logical consistency, held that heterosexual intercourse impaired the mediumistic talent. This small detail of Germanic occultic history is significant. Since leading contemporary homosexuals make the same claims,67 without any apparent dependence on the theories of Mühle, such parallel thinking would suggest an organic connection between homosexuality and shamanistic religious activity.68

Leading contemporary homosexuals believe that heterosexual intercourse is harmful??

3. This basically re-states my feelings on the Atheist placard in the WA state capitol. Worth a read, though. Especially for the argument in the comments section....

4. Scarily accurate.

5. They are not tame, and are still convinced after four months that I'm going to eat them in the morning. This is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

They are very noisy. If your neighbor has a barking dog or annoying offspring, these would be fine revenge. If you just find it amusing to see brainless alien freaks that look like old-style football helmets running around on tiny orange legs, they will fit the bill.

NCSE-sponsored review of the Creation Museum

Some interesting excerpts from a review of the Creation Museum that I ran across the other day:

A December 15, 2003 posting on the AIG website went into considerable detail about what the museum would have to counter traditional natural history museums and eventually christened the "Creation Museum" with the far more appropriate name of "The Anti-Museum." Hence the title of this review.

This reminds me of that "What's Your Anti-Drug?" campaign. The Bible is my Anti-Museum.

In front of the ticket booth is a very nice composite wooly Rhino fossil from Siberia on loan to AIG from two of its supporters. I thought this was merely a cast when I first saw the skeleton, because only a thin strip of cloth blocked it off. This cavalier attitude towards a valuable specimen is rather remarkable for a museum, even this one. The mannequins of various biblical characters that appear much later in the museum tour were much more protected by railings and other security.

That's really scary. I suppose they either don't realize the value of the fossil, or they assume that their guests will all behave like good Christians and look but not touch.

About the planetarium show:

The closing credits listed Dr. Jason Lisle as the writer of the program. Dr. Lisle has a Ph.D. in Astrophysics from the University of Colorado, Boulder. He moved to Kentucky after his graduation to work for Answers in Genesis. He has yet to publish his claims about Blue Supergiants and time dilation of light in peer reviewed journals.

Man, what a loophole. If you want to get your claims 'legitimized' the easy way -- without submitting to peer review -- just give them a Creationist spin and send 'em on over to the Hamster.

If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. (Thanks Mitch.)

Some actual text from the Museum:

Views about fossils have come and gone. But fossils do not tell us where these creatures came from or how they died.

Um. Sometimes they do. Go check out a children's paleontology or archaeology book from the library. You'll find plenty of examples there.

Genesis also gives an eyewitness account of a catastrophic, worldwide Flood, about 4,350 years ago

This got me thinking. What was happening worldwide at around that time, according to "secular" scientists? Has anybody ever made parallel timelines? I'm just wondering what that flood is supposed to have been interrupting. Not that the AIGers would agree -- they already know what was going on at the time because they've read the bible.

Most fossils are a silent testimony to God's worldwide judgement.

So fossils are God's way of saying, "If you don't listen to me, this is what'll happen." How...merciful. I've thought it for many years, but this emphasizes the fact that the Christian god (as a literary character, of course) is a complete asshole.

POV switch! Back to the reviewer:

The display also included a really poorly reconstructed Iguanadon eating a cycad tree model. The artist must have read that Iguanadon had pebbly skin texture and gave him giant platy pebbles unlike what skin impressions really reveal about this dinosaur. The cycad plant is so bad that it looks like a giant pineapple.

People, do your research. You knew you were gonna be scrutinized by unsympathetic viewers. It's not rocket science. Give the job to a Bible college intern or something. Make sure they've got an internet connection and a library card, throw a few bucks their way for some journal subscriptions, and you're done.

Re: the Ark display:

I really loved the animated figure with the Yiddish accent.

Oh no. Where's Mel Gibson and his historical linguistics team when you need him?

Paleozoic sedimentary rocks are depicted as forming catastrophically in underwater environments, although many terrestrial environments, including tidal flats, soils, and desert dunes are well represented in the Paleozoic. Another biggie in Flood geology is having Pennsylvanian coals form from floating forests that are catastrophically buried. There is a really nice mural of a "floating forest" on one wall. Most Mesozoic terrestrial and marine environments are also depicted as forming under water. One plaque reads "as the sea level rose, flood waves reached farther and farther inland. Ecosystem after ecosystem of plants and animals were carried out to sea and buried." An accompanying cartoonish diagram depicts a dinosaur walking underwater with its mouth open and leaving footprints.

I just don't think I get this. Terrestrial ecosystems form underwater? I have to be missing something. Please let it make more sense than this.

The presence of a marsupial-dominated vertebrate fauna in Australia must really worry the creationists. A most remarkable explanation is given: "marsupials, which have pouches, can nurse their young while moving. That may explain why on each continent [marsupials] were the first mammals buried and preserved after the Flood."

Uh. Is that true? Are marsupials the earliest mammals found on every continent? And when they say "first mammals buried and preserved," do they mean those that are farthest down in the strata? That are dated as being the oldest? Do they buy into "secular" dating methods for fossils/artifacts at all? Is that statement based on anything factual or was it pulled out of their asses (and/or their bibles)?

Races apparently begin with Noah's sons and are dispersed after the Confusion of Tongues at the Tower of Babel. After Babel, Ham's descendants go to Africa, Shem's to Arabia and Asia, and Japheth's go to Europe. This is basically insane, outdated 19th Century quack anthropology, but no one else seemed to notice. Homo erectus, Neanderthals, and Cro-Magnon are claimed to originate from these refugees from Babel and became cave dwellers.

Erectus originated from Noah's sons? Were they Homo sapiens? So they evolved backwards?

It was most fascinating and disturbing to see religion sold in the same way as diet pills, male enlargement creme, baldness cures, and the Bass-O-Matic ™.

Heh.

The walls had a number of fossil displays, but most were not yet labeled.

I wonder if they use any of the fossils for specific, fact-based displays? I hope the "yet" above is correct and they will label them as time permits. Otherwise, it's sounding to me like they just threw in a few fossils here and there to make the place look credible. Which is a huge waste.

According to artwork in the film, children in ancient Japan even had pet Stegosaurs.

Man. Japanese kids get all the cool toys.

The special effects consisted of the chairs vibrating every time the angels flew by and water being squirted from a hole in the back of the seat in front of you every time there was a water scene (like the Ark floating in the violent Flood).

You've got to be kidding me.

From a distance it was apparent there were several outdoors dinosaur models there including an outdated tail-dragging Tyrannosaurus.

Again. Research. Please.

Okay. I looked up a bit of AIG's thoughts on fossils, and here's what I found:

Of course, species is a man made term used to describe many variations of the same kind. There are several species of dog, but really they are all part of the same kind.

There aren't many species of dog, if they mean domesticated dogs. And I hope they do, because that's how the lay reader will interpret it. If they don't mean what the average reader will get out of their text, it's dishonest of them to publish it without clarification.

Anyways, all domesticated dogs fall under a subspecies (Canis lupus familiaris), not a species. Poodles, German Shepherds, and Labradors are not species. They're breeds, further subdivisions under the subspecies Canis lupus familiaris.

If you're gonna attack the concept of species and/or naming, at least be clear (and correct) about what you're attacking.

Of course, there is evidence of variation within the kind in the fossil layers. But they obviously didn’t change into each other, since the vast majority of the fossils in the fossil record died together.

They did?? Evidence? Who did the dating/stratigraphy?

Imagine this illustration of bad science:

In 300 years, people began digging in a human graveyard that was from a battle in WWII and find human bodies. They began lining them up by arm length and say that over long periods of time, the arms of people began to get longer!

But this is what evolutionists are doing

*headdesk*

I can't even summon a response to that. If they're that ignorant/deceitful, it's not even worth my admittedly worthless time and effort to refute them.

There is a predetermined age for certain fossils (once again based on assumption), and when they are found in a certain rock layer, that rock layer is given that age. Interestingly enough, the fossils are dated by the rock layers they are in, an example of circular reasoning.

How about some absolute dating methods? I know the good folks at AIG aren't ignorant of the existence of them:

Before we get into the details of how radiometric dating methods are used, we need to review some preliminary concepts from chemistry. Recall that atoms are the basic building blocks of matter.

But that's Just A Theory!

Anyways, this accusation of circular reasoning is dishonest -- they know it's not circular logic if it's correlated with absolute dating. Even if they don't agree with the 'Darwinist's' interpretation of said dates, they can't call the logic circular.

Interesting that Lucy is used as a evidence, considering the fossils reveal that it was a male, as anatomist Dr. David Menton points out.

Wow. Just...wow. Has he tried to publish this information? Is Johanson aware of it? Do any paleoanthropologists agree with him (you'll notice that his degree is in cell biology, not paleoanthropology or even anatomy, though he did teach the latter)?

[Dr. Menton's bio reveals that he's a Brown alum. Nooooooo!!! *Platoon-esque-fists-raised-heavenward*]

Overheard at work:

Tutor: [Explains what the vocabulary word "masochism" means.]

Student: You mean like emo kids?

1. Baby hippos are slimy.

2. Complicated and dangerous issue, here.

3. I need to read this when I have time. Which will be sometime in the 2020s.

4. The intent is good, but isn't this just begging for the anti-atheists to cry moral irresponsibility? "Stop worrying and enjoy your life" is pretty easy to mis-translate into "do whatever you want without regard to consequences."

5. Silent Hill in North Korea.

1. About damn time. Though, like it says in the article, it needs to be expanded to first-years too.

2. Wasn't Sesame Street supposed to be educational?

What precisely is the lesson to be learned from this? That information can be looked up in books?

And this? That disco is scary and early techno is good?

3. Let's learn about animals!

(From a 16th century bestiary....)

The Hyena

[I]t stalks the sheepfolds of shepherds and circles their houses by night, and by listening carefully learns their speech, so that it can imitate the human voice, in order to fall on any man whom it has lured out at night.

The hyena also [imitates] human vomit and devours the dogs it has enticed with faked sounds of retching.

The Parrot

Its skull is so thick, that if ever you have to admonish it with blows to learn - for it tries hard to speak like men - you should beat it with an iron rod.

Man

Varro says that the kidneys, renes, are so called because streams, rivus, of the obscene fluid [semen] rise there.

The loins, lumbi, get their name from the wantonness of lust, libido, because the seat of fleshly pleasure in men is there, just as in women it is in the navel.

The word for testicles, testiculi, is a diminutive of testis, witness; there is a minumum of two. They supply to the penis, calamus, semen which the kidneys and loins take from the spinal cord, in order to create a fetus.

The posterior parts of the body are so called because they are at the rear, turned away from the face, lest when we empty our bowels, we should defile our gaze.

4. This is far too much fun.

5. It's always amazing how much the human body can be modified and still function.

1. HOLY CRAP!1!!1 This is awesome. My undergraduate major in television form. Kind of.

2. Human Sacrifice, the Coloring Book!

3. The Deaf Youth Drama Program closed, before I even had a chance to see any of their productions. Sad.

4. And for the 12-year-old boys among us, A Tale of Two Boobies.

5. Best. Job. Ever.

1. Yay museum. Though the chances of me ever getting to see this one are slim.

2. On the newest Indiana Jones movie:

"Instead of fighting Nazis, Indy will spend a good portion of the movie working to accumulate sufficient grants for his field excavations."

"Following the roughly five minutes of the movie devoted to the dig will be an hour and a half long exploration of Indy’s laboratory analysis and publications. Assisting Indy in this work instead of some runaway Asian child will be a series of underpaid and often overworked graduate students, hoping to get their names down as coauthors."

(From here.)

3. Pirate jokes, anyone?

My favorite, of course:

Q: What's a pirate's favorite aspect of computational linguistics?
A: PARRRsing sentences.

4. I want one! (Of course.)

5. Can one actually make money doing this? I mean, it's really cool, but...crayons? Fine art?

1. Not that it says much about Scientology and its validity (being ad hominem and all), but here's some info on its founder, The Great and Mighty Hubbard.

His followers assert that he is not only the reincarnation of Buddha but also Maitreya, who according to Buddhist legend will lead the world to enlightenment.

I thought all religions and philosophies (except Scientology, of course) are false images implanted into Body Thetans during Incident II? Presumably, the followers mentioned above hadn't reached OT III and gotten access to that information yet.

Many outlandish claims were made by Hubbard about his achievements while in the U.S. Navy. For instance, he bragged that he had been the first returned casualty from the Far east. In fact, he was shipped to Australia in December 1941, and he sufficiently antagonised his superiors to be returned to the U.S. after only a few months.

That's one way to get out of military service, I suppose. Annoy your superiors into submission.

Hubbard managed to involve a number of craft in a 55-hour battle against what he believed to be two Japanese submarines. The incident was reviewed by Admiral Fletcher who pronounced "an analysis of all reports convinces me that there was no submarine in the area ...The Commanding Officers of all ships except the PC-815 (commanded by Hubbard) state they had no evidence of a submarine and do not think a submarine was in the area."

Hubbard completed this "shakedown cruise" by firing on a fortunately uninhabited Mexican island.

Ha. Awesome. He just wanted to play cowboys and Indians. Come on.

In October 1947, when according to later accounts he had "cured" himself through Dianetics, Hubbard admitted to suicidal tendencies and begged for psychiatric help in a letter to the Veterans Administration.

Heh. Perhaps his bad experience here led to his later hatred of all things psychiatric?

Hubbard continued to perform black magic rituals and started to use self hypnosis, confiding to his notebook such hypnotic affirmations as "all men are my slaves".

Useful preparation for auditing, I'd say.

Hubbard was already addicted to the barbiturate drugs originally prescribed for his ulcer. His drug use continued during his Scientology career, even though he was to sponsor the Scientology anti-drug group Narconon. Although Dianetics claims to overcome compulsions with ease, Hubbard was unable to kick the tobacco habit, and chain-smoked over 80 cigarettes a day.

Do what The Hubbard preaches, not what He practices.

Marrying hypnotic technique to research long abandoned by Freud, Hubbard came up with Dianetics.

Interesting. Dianetics is a Freudian tribute band.

Hubbard redefined the existing term "engram" as a label for traumatic incidents where the individual has lost consciousness. Dianetics: the Modern Science of Mental Health proclaims that by "erasing" the engrams, the individual is freed from compulsions, obsessions, neuroses, and such conditions as heart trouble, poor eyesight, asthma, colour blindness, allergies, stuttering, poor hearing, sinusitis, high blood pressure, dermatitis, migraine, ulcers, arthritis, morning sickness, the common cold, conjunctivitis, alcoholism and tuberculosis. Hubbard soon claimed cures for cancer and leukaemia.

What, no athlete's foot or hemorrhoids?

Hubbard's following diminished as people realised that his claims were grossly exaggerated, and with the collapse of the first Dianetic Foundations and Hubbard's second marriage. Sara Hubbard charged that her husband had tortured her with sleep deprivation, drugs and physical attacks. She claimed that he had once strangled her until the eustachian tube to her left ear ruptured, leaving her hearing inpaired. Hubbard fled to Cuba, after seizing their baby daughter, in what proved to be a successful attempt to silence Sara.

It just gets better and better.

It was only in the late 1960s, with increasing criticism of its methods by western governments, that Scientology retreated behind the trappings of religion.

Of course.

The first stage of recruitment is to focus the person's attention on the most distressing areas of his or her life (the "ruin"). [...] Any intense emotion tends to overwhelm critical thinking. [...] he recruiter then plays upon the person's fear that the condition will worsen. Then the "solution" of Scientology is offered.

...

Scientology indoctrination usually begins with the Communication Course Training Routines or `"TRs". These are supposed to enhance the ability to communicate, but have been called by one expert "the most overt form of hypnosis used by any destructive cult".

...

the recruit might well go on to the "Hubbard Key to Life Course" (at a cost of[[sterling]]4,000 or $8,000). This supposedly undercuts all previous education by returning the individual to the basics of literacy. Factually, because it treats all clients as pre-school children, it tends to cause age regression, making people yet more susceptible to Scientology.

...

In 1959, Hubbard introduced "security checking", where Scientologists are interrogated, having to answer long, prepared lists of questions about their moral transgressions. The E-meter is used as a lie detector throughout these "sessions". A careful record is kept of all confessions, and this has proved to be a highly effective means of silencing dissidents.

...

Re: OT III and the Incident II story:

Anyone hearing of this material will supposedly become ill and die within days. However, towards the end of his life, Hubbard wanted to release the story (certainly one of his best) as a movie, to be called "Revolt in the Stars".

I somehow missed the part about making a movie. Imagine if every major religion made a movie version of itself....

"Disconnection" is virtually identical to the "shunning" practised by certain extreme fundamentalist groups.

And how is Scientology not an "extreme fundamentalist group"?

The RPF is still in use in Scientology organizations throughout the world. Those who fail to comply with orders, make mistakes or simply fall short of their production quotas are put onto the RPF. RPFers can only speak when spoken to, they are meant to eat table scraps, sleep even shorter hours than other staff, and comply immediately and unquestioningly with any order. They work a full day, doing physical labour, and are then expected to spend five hours confessing and hearing the confession of their RPF partner.

Only when they completely accept the authority of their superiors are they allowed to leave the RPF. Taming an individual in this way can take up to two years.

...

Speaking of a hypothetical splinter group in 1955, Hubbard wrote, "if you discovered that some group calling itself `precept processing' had set up ... in your area, you would do all you could to make things interesting for them ... The law can be used very easily to harass, and enough harassment ... will generally be sufficient to cause his [sic] professional decease. If possible, of course, ruin him utterly."

What a charming man.

For eight years, from 1967 to 1975, Hubbard and his retinue (numbering several hundred) plied the Mediterranean and the Atlantic in a flotilla of unseaworthy vessels. The incompetence of the crews led to many accidents.

This would make a great sitcom. At least a made-for-TV movie.

Hubbard dismissed Buddhism through his statement that "No culture in the history of the world, save the thoroughly depraved and expiring ones, has failed to affirm the existence of a Supreme Being."

Where does Scientology affirm or even discuss a Supreme Being? OT VIII and beyond? You're only allowed to know about the Supreme Being after paying around $400k?

Also, Hubbard needed to read some basic cultural anthropology.

Scientology contradicts the teachings of all of the major religions by propounding that great wealth is a virtue, a measure of spiritual success.

That doesn't contradict some versions of Evangelical Christianity nowadays....

As Hubbard put it, "When you let a person give nothing for something you are factually encouraging crime".

Heh. How precisely does one encourage factually?

Explanation of Hubbard's work is forbidden; the materials must be quoted exactly.

...

failure to achieve spectacular success (i.e., euphoric states) is always considered to be the fault of either the auditor or the preclear, never of the techniques.

...

"Advanced Courses [in Scientology) are the most valuable service on the planet. Life insurance, houses, cars, stocks, bonds, college savings, all are transitory and impermanent ... There is nothing to compare with Advanced Courses. They are infinitely valuable and transcend time itself." -L. Ron Hubbard speaking of his "Operating Thetan Courses" Flag Mission Order 375.

...

Scientologists speak and think in an elaborate language created by Hubbard (Scientology dictionaries run to over 1,000 pages of definitions).

Well, it's not a language. It's a lexicon. But close enough.

2. SECURITY CHECK CHILDREN
HCO WW Security Form 8

...

1. WHAT HAS SOMEBODY TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL?

...

15. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MEAN OR CRUEL TO AN ANIMAL, BIRD OR FISH?

16. HAVE YOU EVER FORGOTTEN TO GIVE FOOD OR WATER TO A PET ENTRUSTED TO YOUR CARE?

...

19. DO YOU HAVE A SECRET?

...

34. WHO HAVE YOU MADE GUILTY?

Gee. That question isn't leading at all....

35. HAVE YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN'T WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED OR ASLEEP?

Oy.

Relatedly, I wonder what Hubbard decided Scientology's views on sex were?

Since children are regarded as an unnecessary overhead in the Sea Org, young women who get pregnant are usually pressured into aborting their unborn children.

I presume, then, that birth control wasn't/isn't frowned upon.

70. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE?

It's like he designed the questions specifically to make children insecure and psychologically unstable. And if they become more docile and suggestible as a result, that's just an unexpected bonus, sure....

3. An English translation of the OT III material.

Anyone who encounters this material without having undertaken Scientology courses up to OT 2 will supposedly die from pneumonia.

You've been warned.

Hubbard was taking barbiturates and drinking heavily when he wrote this material, according to letters he wrote at the time which are kept from scientologists by the management of Scientology.

Why didn't Hubbard just hold himself up as an example of how drugs are bad?

OT III glossary for those who have the original materials but cannot make head nor tail of them:

...

cognite - realize.
comm laggy - (comm - communication) hesitant.

I'm going to incorporate the word "laggy" into my daily vocabulary.

Interiorization processes - designed to return an "exterior" being into his body.

I assume this isn't a process anyone would want inflicted upon them?

R6 - the "reactive mind", supposedly created by the "OT 3 implant" or "incident 2".

I still haven't figured out what the number 6 has to do with anything.

theta bop - E-meter reaction, supposed to indicate that the thetan or spirit is going in and out of the body.

A dance?

TR - training routine. Role play drill (which can be practiced to hypnotic excess, leading hallucination, euphoria, heightening of colour and sound and a feeling of floating). The most famous of these is TR 8 where scientologists shout "stand up" and "sit down" at an ashtray.

Hee. What would happen if someone did that in a public place?

4. Going more deeply into the E-meter and its uses.

5. Sad!

Very Space Opera

1. Those are some damn expensive books and cassette tapes.

2. Every once in awhile when I hear someone say "OT" in the context of therapy, my mind interprets it as "OT" in the context of Hubbardism.

Hmm. I wonder what The Great and Mighty Hubbard's take on sensory integration therapy would be.

On an unrelated note:

All thetans on this planet and on twenty-one nearby stars have Incident II and 'R6' in common. Hubbard refers to these twenty-two planets as 'the Confederation'. [From above "OT" link.]

Somehow this tidbit escaped my attention during my last Scientology-related reading binge. What exactly is the function of this interplanetary Confederation, if any? Does Hubbard ever identify said stars and/or planets? Did he also claim astronomy as one of his numerous areas of expertise?

although 'mocking something up' usually means 'imagining it', in Scieno-lingo it means more than a mental picture; it is supposedly a self-created object; it is a thing which one can be. Operating Thetans are, again supposedly, able to 'mock up' a picture that has dimensions and location in space and time.

Someday I might have to do a specific analysis of Scientology's co-opting of existing words/phrases and re-defining them for its own purposes. We already know it's a common brainwashing technique, but I wonder if there are any interesting patterns in how they manipulate language. Even better, how does Scientology jargon work in non-English languages?

On the mental imagines implanted into thetans during Incident II:

The pictures contain God, the Devil, angels, space opera, theaters, helicopters, a constant spinning, a spinning dancer, trains and various scenes very like modern England. You name it, it's in this implant we call in its entirely "R6".

Somewhat telling that Hubbard includes "space opera" in this list of false knowledge. Are we to deduct that his very own space opera is a false implant as well?

The thetans were gathered on "electronic ribbons", packaged together as clusters and given 36 days of implanting, to render them servile and incapable of decision.

Try replacing "thetans" with "preclears," "electronic ribbons" with "Church of Scientology," and "implanting" with "auditing." Sound familiar?

In Hubbard's own words:

Body Thetans are just Thetans. When you get rid of one he goes off and possibly squares around, picks up a body or admires daisies.

Ha. Admires daisies. Why hasn't the image of a daisy been worked into the symbolism of Scientology?

Thus we get the concept of a "black theta body". This would be actual BT's stuck to a thetan plus pictures of BT's stuck to a thetan.

How...recursive.

Incident II sometimes forms gigantic clusters. In such there is a leader, an alternate leader and several (eight to eighteen) more.

How numerically specific. Also, Body Thetans are starting to remind me of barnacles that need to be scraped off the hulls of boats.

Incident 2 Patter: DETERMINE IF A LOYAL OFFICER, RESIDENT OF EARTH, or FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

I don't quite know why, but that just kills me. It's like you're asking the BT to identify which class its RPG character belongs to. Also, do BTs have gender identities??

About 1/2 of the BTs come off and leave and go live their own lives by doing the lower Bridge right, and the other 1/2 come off here by doing OT III correctly.

Yet the Church still requires you to pay for further courses all the way up to OT VIII....

3. Fun with Kern!

“You know gays are infiltrating city councils,” she said. “Did you know, Eureka Springs, anybody been there to the Passion Play? Have you heard that the city council of Eureka Springs is now controlled by gays?"

Hahaha. Oh noes! Not Eureka Springs! One of the nation's top 25 Small Arts Communities. Imagine gay people living there! How dare they take on leadership roles in their own communities!

Matter of fact, studies show no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades.

Captain Anthropology, your services are needed....

Anthropology to the rescue! Homosexuality has been around, accepted to varying degrees, in various cultures for thousands of years. And it's not like the almost exhaustive number of animals that perform homosexual acts all go extinct after a few decades, but I suppose such base creatures are exempt from the Law of God.

4. A Day in the Life of a Scientologist on OT 7

So I cruise around in my mind[,] check through my body, above it, around it higher, lower, inside of it, mmmmmmwhere is this BT? (Usually I was able to locate what I thought were BT's Pretty easily.) Ok.....one foot to my right....meter Falls.

So Body Thetans could in fact be located some distance away from the body?

BT: I am very upset because I am tired of people asking other OT's if they can heal people. I'm not healed so this question upsets me.

Heh.

Left Shoulder- Fall. (meter reads, someone is there)

(me) "What are you?"

(BT) "A broken bone"--Fall

(me) "I'd like to indicate you are a broken bone".

BT: Cool.....blow. F/n.

Ha. So to get rid of these Body Thetans, one need only 'indicate' its location/identity to make it go away?

And the following indicates how badly the CoS wants to keep its upper-level information away from the masses:

Me: Damn!! I forgot to lock that stupid window. It's closed, My entire house is locked up...this is crazy to have to do lower conditions for this one window no one can even get to.....but per the Security pack, I violated
it...so I'll call and see.

Now you have to Call your Director of Processing, in Clearwater, and tell them. They send you to "Ethics" on the phone, and you are assigned "Treason" and told to write it up, and call them once you get up to "liability". Then you have to "Make up the
Damage" by doing some work needed, and get an OK to return to OT 7.

5. HCO BULLETIN OF 11 DECEMBER 1978
[Meaning straight from Hubbard's mouth, or at least OK'd by him.]

Unblown BTs or clusters, or BTs and clusters messsed up on OT III, are sometimes at a distance of 6 - 8 - 10 feet out from the body.

This is a perimeter you wouldn't normally think to handle. They blew out to this perimeter and stuck there.

Huh. I guess so.

BTs or clusters who tried to blow but hung up against other BTs or clusters or ridges or bones.

Well shit. BTs can want to check out but get tripped up by your ribcage??

After handling a BT or cluster do not recheck or repeat the Repair list line, as doing so would invalidate the fact that you have handled it, and would restimulate others, cause others to mock up (copy) what was just handled.

It seems that moderation is sometimes encouraged even in the wacky world of Scientology.

Sometimes a BT or cluster will answer at first with a wrong item or items. Then there won't be any valence shift, nor will there be any blow. Finding the correct item (the valence the BT or cluster is obsessively being), will shift the BT or cluster out of that valence, and remaining steps of acknowledging the item, and asking "Who are you?" will produce the cognition: "I'm me", and it will blow.

BTs lie?! That sucks. But forcing them to acknowledge their true identity sets them free. Sounds like an after-school special.

Example 1 :

"What are you ? "

A tree

A tree trunk

A branch

A twig

A broken limb LF - F/N (The item)

Example 2:

"What are you ? "

A sword

An arena

A crowd

A wild animal

A lion

Dust

Blood

A dying man

A gladiator F - F/N (The item)

Whoa. I could have some dust or a lion or a gladiator attached somewhere to my body?

It is imperative, mandatory, that the Flub, Cram, Retread System be used on this listing technique on NED for OTs, and no C/S, Cramming Officer, nor Tech/Qual executive may get reasonable about this, nor allow any persuasion or pressure to undermine or counter this system.

Ha. I love the jargon-y use of the phrase "get reasonable" here. Reason and rationality will not be tolerated!

If despite the above handlings the same person persists in repeating the same errors, then you up against a case situation described in HCOB 8 MAR 62 THE BAD"AUDITOR", and HCOB 15 MAR 62 SUPPRESSORS, and such a person must be removed from Tech/Qual lines for the sake of others.

Of course it's always operator error if you require acknowledgment of the infallibility of the tech.

The following is an example which illustrates this routine, taken from the case history of a Pre-OT who was physically ill and under constant heavy PT stress.

1st session, 1st day.

The auditor began flying the rudiments. Not all ruds were flown as the Pre-OT brightened up and had a win on spotting the source of an upset. (None of the ruds flown in this session read as belonging to aBT or cluster.) Time: 10 mins.

...

4th session, 3rd day.

The ruds were flown (very little on ruds this session), then the NOTs Repair List was continued and the second line taken up resulted in a BD from TA 4.5 to 3.0 and a line charge. The session was ended with the Pre-OT in high spirits, F/N, VGIs and joking at Exams. Time: 0=2E16 mis.

(Of interest is that the BD above resulted from the Pre-OT recalling a this life person who "thought he was everyone, All is one".)

At this point the Pre-OT was put onto a biochemical handling in addition to the auditing. This consisted of: vitamins, minerals, and Cal/Mag to remedy deficiency; freshly squeezed fruit juice as Vit C issaid to go out of fruit juice within half an hour; and because the Pre-OT was under- weight and had been off oils and fat, a supplement of a blend of oils (soy, walnut, peanut and safflower) preceded by taking a balanced combination of enzymes a few minutes before eating to help digest the oil/fat. These were taken as a supplement to te Pre-OT's diet.

...

7th session, 6th day.

(After the last session pain turned back on again.)

In this session the auditor began by locating the area of the body where the pain had turned on, then identifying it as coming from a cluster. The cluster didn't answer up and so was run on "Hello & OK" until it woke up and came into communication. Then it was blown with NOTs Valence Technique, with a large TA BD, wide F/N, VGIs, Pre-OT line charging and amused.

...

Despite extreme and heavy stress on the Pre-OT from day to day, a full recovery to health was accomplished, with no further relapse since, and all of this in but one week !

So. Much. Jargon.

This doesn't apply just to NOTs, one time a girl who was sick - nigh unto death - and in looking it over it was obvious this girl was sitting on a withhold from her parents. There was an assess- ment of the ruds, and on the reading one I asked "What might that be?" and next thing there was charge flying off all over the place and she got a resurgence on that alone.

...

A pc one time got sick after a session during some auditing and turned on a 104.5 degree temperature and still raising and he was about to be rushed off to a hospital. The C/S looked over the folder and made up a little assessment of about eight items that it could be and had it assessed. The biggest read was on "wrong item" and this was indicated. The TA BDed from about 5.0 to about 2.5 and this guy sat up in bed and said "Oh yeah, so that's what it was!". His temperature turned off and that was that. No further action taken.

...

Example:

HCOB 20.12.79

Auditor: "Is there an ARC break?" (no read)

"Is there a present time problem?" Fall.

Pre-OT: Answers stating the PTP.

Auditor: Acknowledges the answer.

Auditor: "Is that present time problem yours? (Fall),

a BT's? (no read), a cluster's? (no read")

The auditor indicates what read.

This PTP will either F/N (if it hasn't

already) or it is taken E/S to F/N.

(Note: If you get into a tangle ask "Is it also yours ?", "Is it also a BT's ?", "Is it also a cluster's?", even "Is it also theirs ?".

There's a possibility it could belong to everyone present.

Keep in mind that "everyone present" means one person (the preclear or pre-OT) and all the BTs (Body Thetans) and BT clusters attached to his/her body. And remember that BTs are the unsettled, hypnotized souls of possibly-extraterrestrial beings that were abducted, brought to Earth, and murdered millions of years ago.

I believe that's enough of that for one day.