1. Gift ideas, anyone?

2. First, ow. Second:

The scientists then pumped up the sexual organ with a tiny artificial inflator powered by a water-jet vacuum pump.

...Wow.

3. Another one! But this one didn't spontaneously regenerate a smaller version of itself while in captivity.

4. They have the opportunity to train a penguin, and they train it to go shopping....

5. I'm amazed Brown doesn't make an appearance on this list.