Missed opportunity.

1. If only I'd known about this scholarship when I was still in school.

2. And now for something completely different: vagina dentata [dead link].

A few random links.

1. This makes me proud to be a Missourian.

2. I hope this [dead link?] is supposed to be a joke.

3. What is the purpose of my existence?

Finally, my identity crisis solved.

Apparently my style of humor is:

the Prankster (47% dark, 34% spontaneous, 33% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT [And I always thought my humor was dark.] Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not pretentious, but neither are you into what some would call 'low humor'. You'd laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist. You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher [Unbelievably disturbed by these associations. Especially the latter.]

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

And my over-generalized identity label is:

Robot You are 71% Rational, 0% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.

You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive. 2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Class Clown. [Those little bastards always did irritate me.] Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Emo Kid, and the Haughty Intellectual. [I love me some haughty-emo-intellectuals.]

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

Oh yeah!

I'm reading Arabian Nights. Not sure why, except that I feel like I should have done so by now.

In the The Fisherman and the Jinnee [sic], there are four varieties of magical fish that, if you attempt to cook them in combination, trigger an unusual series of events. First, the walls of whatever room you happen to be occupying suddenly split in half, revealing either 1) a large woman wearing excessive amounts of jewelry or 2) a large, burly black man. Said person proceeds to poke the fish with his/her cane, asking, "Have you been keeping your pledge?" The fish reply in the affirmative, after which they are removed from their pan and thrown into the cooking fire, where they are burnt to a crisp and rendered inedible. The strange personage then departs through the hole in the wall, which reforms itself into its previous, unbroken state. This happens no less than three times in this one story.

It's like some kind of demented precursor to the Kool-Aid man.