Special Edition: Fun with Chick Tracts
If you're not familiar with the source material, take a gander here.
[Any and all smart-ass commentary is meant to be taken as exactly that (a.k.a. not seriously).]
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Let's begin with the classic tale Kidnapped.
Highlights:
Non-specific vilification of the Middle East.
Gory, nightmare-inducing illustration of the Crucifixion.
An adorably doe-eyed, sobbing child [not caused by the above, amazingly].
Implied sex-trafficking of children.
Broad stereotyping of non-churchgoers and/or rednecks.
Law enforcement officer pushing his own religion on citizens.
Quotables:
Adorable Kidnapped Aryan Girl: Lord Jesus, what shall I do?
Jesus: YELL AT HIM!
Adorable Kidnapped Aryan Girl: OK!
Black Role Model Cop: We have an awesome God.
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Bad Bob!
Highlights:
Indirect advocacy for corporal punishment of children.
Indirect disparagement of creativity and independent thinking.
Law enforcement officer pushing his religion on citizens.
Quotables:
Non-Descript Woman: Bad Bob is crude, rude, and socially unacceptable, but we just love him.
Your High-School's Middle-Aged Librarian: Bob's the best connection we've ever had. He can get us acid, smack, dust, coke, speed and black beauties. It's too bad he's such a sleaze.
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The Beast
Highlights:
Equating the Pope with "The Beast" and/or "Satan's masterpiece."
Implied connection between Hitler and the Pope/the Holocaust and Catholicism.
A clean-cut, burly man in a wife-beater[?].
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Party Girl
Highlights:
Vilification of Rock and Roll music.
A Little Old Lady administering a can of Godly whoop-ass.
A rare depiction of Satan in his day-job as a bartender.
Quotables:
Pointy-Toothed Demon: Your warehouses are PACKED with low-grade condoms.
Sexually Promiscuous Party Girl: I want to do it right now, Grandma. [I admit, this is taken out of context.]
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The Death Cookie
Highlights:
The title.
Blatant vilification of Catholicism/Catholics.
An inexplicable cameo by the Cheshire Cat.
Repeated reference to communion wafers as "cookies" (and once as "the Jesus cookie").
Equating communion wafers with sun worship.
Quotables:
Satan: [...] you must also be very mysterious and different. Speak things that no one understands and burn a lot of candles.
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Doom Town
Vilification of civil rights advocates [The author/s apparently rely on urban legends for their fact-finding.].
Gratuitous appearance of stereotypical Leather-Daddy-type.
Badly-executed cross-dressing.
Implied pedophilia [perpetrated by what could quite possibly be a shirtless Hagrid].
A demonstration of when offering up one's virgin daughters for gang-banging is a good idea.
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Free At Last!
Highlights:
Blatant attempt to appeal to a racial minority.
Vilification of Middle-Easterners, Asians, and a man who appears to be either a Jew or a high school chemistry teacher.
Illustrations of a naked yet genital-less Satan.
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Dark Dungeons
Highlights:
Vilification of nerds.
Equating Dungeons & Dragons with Satanism.
Melodramatic D&D-related teen suicide.
Quotables:
Ominous Disembodied Narrator: THE INTENSE OCCULT TRAINING THROUGH D&D PREPARED DEBBIE TO ACCEPT THE INVITATION TO ENTER A WITCHES' COVEN
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Soul Story
Highlights:
Blatant attempt to appeal to a racial minority.
Blaxploitation-inspired title illustration.
Gratuitous use of the phrase "jive turkey."
A hybrid pimp/matador costume.
Quotables:
Leroy Brown [seriously, that's his name]: You religious?
50's-Coiffed Girl: No, I'm a Christian!
-----
That Crazy Guy
Subtle use of character names.
Implied equating of possessing a sex-positive attitude with being an idiotic bitch.
Use of pseudoscience as scare-tactic.
Quotables:
Ms. Damien: V.D. is nothing anymore. You get a shot of penicillin and it's gone!
Ms. Damien: Did you pick up a dose of the clap? ... Ugh, I've got to spray that chair you sat on.
Grandfatherly Doctor: Researchers have found holes in surgical gloves big enough to allow 10 AIDS viruses to pass through them side by side. [It's easier for 10 AIDS viruses to pass through a surgical glove than for a rich man to get into heaven?]
-----
The Trial
Highlights:
Vilification of the ACLU.
Vilification of any religion other than the author's.
Quotables:
Bitchy Television Reporter: How DARE you speak for God?
Adorable Little Girl: It's real easy...Want some of my cookie?
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The True Path
Highlights:
Blatant attempt to appeal to a racial minority [a different one this time!].
Implication that Native American religions caused smallpox.
Gratuitous use of the stereotype of the alcoholic Native American.
-----
[Any and all smart-ass commentary is meant to be taken as exactly that (a.k.a. not seriously).]
-----
Let's begin with the classic tale Kidnapped.
Highlights:
Non-specific vilification of the Middle East.
Gory, nightmare-inducing illustration of the Crucifixion.
An adorably doe-eyed, sobbing child [not caused by the above, amazingly].
Implied sex-trafficking of children.
Broad stereotyping of non-churchgoers and/or rednecks.
Law enforcement officer pushing his own religion on citizens.
Quotables:
Adorable Kidnapped Aryan Girl: Lord Jesus, what shall I do?
Jesus: YELL AT HIM!
Adorable Kidnapped Aryan Girl: OK!
Black Role Model Cop: We have an awesome God.
-----
Bad Bob!
Highlights:
Indirect advocacy for corporal punishment of children.
Indirect disparagement of creativity and independent thinking.
Law enforcement officer pushing his religion on citizens.
Quotables:
Non-Descript Woman: Bad Bob is crude, rude, and socially unacceptable, but we just love him.
Your High-School's Middle-Aged Librarian: Bob's the best connection we've ever had. He can get us acid, smack, dust, coke, speed and black beauties. It's too bad he's such a sleaze.
-----
The Beast
Highlights:
Equating the Pope with "The Beast" and/or "Satan's masterpiece."
Implied connection between Hitler and the Pope/the Holocaust and Catholicism.
A clean-cut, burly man in a wife-beater[?].
-----
Party Girl
Highlights:
Vilification of Rock and Roll music.
A Little Old Lady administering a can of Godly whoop-ass.
A rare depiction of Satan in his day-job as a bartender.
Quotables:
Pointy-Toothed Demon: Your warehouses are PACKED with low-grade condoms.
Sexually Promiscuous Party Girl: I want to do it right now, Grandma. [I admit, this is taken out of context.]
-----
The Death Cookie
Highlights:
The title.
Blatant vilification of Catholicism/Catholics.
An inexplicable cameo by the Cheshire Cat.
Repeated reference to communion wafers as "cookies" (and once as "the Jesus cookie").
Equating communion wafers with sun worship.
Quotables:
Satan: [...] you must also be very mysterious and different. Speak things that no one understands and burn a lot of candles.
-----
Doom Town
Vilification of civil rights advocates [The author/s apparently rely on urban legends for their fact-finding.].
Gratuitous appearance of stereotypical Leather-Daddy-type.
Badly-executed cross-dressing.
Implied pedophilia [perpetrated by what could quite possibly be a shirtless Hagrid].
A demonstration of when offering up one's virgin daughters for gang-banging is a good idea.
-----
Free At Last!
Highlights:
Blatant attempt to appeal to a racial minority.
Vilification of Middle-Easterners, Asians, and a man who appears to be either a Jew or a high school chemistry teacher.
Illustrations of a naked yet genital-less Satan.
-----
Dark Dungeons
Highlights:
Vilification of nerds.
Equating Dungeons & Dragons with Satanism.
Melodramatic D&D-related teen suicide.
Quotables:
Ominous Disembodied Narrator: THE INTENSE OCCULT TRAINING THROUGH D&D PREPARED DEBBIE TO ACCEPT THE INVITATION TO ENTER A WITCHES' COVEN
-----
Soul Story
Highlights:
Blatant attempt to appeal to a racial minority.
Blaxploitation-inspired title illustration.
Gratuitous use of the phrase "jive turkey."
A hybrid pimp/matador costume.
Quotables:
Leroy Brown [seriously, that's his name]: You religious?
50's-Coiffed Girl: No, I'm a Christian!
-----
That Crazy Guy
Subtle use of character names.
Implied equating of possessing a sex-positive attitude with being an idiotic bitch.
Use of pseudoscience as scare-tactic.
Quotables:
Ms. Damien: V.D. is nothing anymore. You get a shot of penicillin and it's gone!
Ms. Damien: Did you pick up a dose of the clap? ... Ugh, I've got to spray that chair you sat on.
Grandfatherly Doctor: Researchers have found holes in surgical gloves big enough to allow 10 AIDS viruses to pass through them side by side. [It's easier for 10 AIDS viruses to pass through a surgical glove than for a rich man to get into heaven?]
-----
The Trial
Highlights:
Vilification of the ACLU.
Vilification of any religion other than the author's.
Quotables:
Bitchy Television Reporter: How DARE you speak for God?
Adorable Little Girl: It's real easy...Want some of my cookie?
-----
The True Path
Highlights:
Blatant attempt to appeal to a racial minority [a different one this time!].
Implication that Native American religions caused smallpox.
Gratuitous use of the stereotype of the alcoholic Native American.
-----
Labels: fundamentalism
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